so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
