Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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