How'd it feel making her break her religion?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
