I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
