Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
