I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
