Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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