i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize