What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
