and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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