i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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