i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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