Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
