I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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