It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
