Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
