my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
