Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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