Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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