We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
