That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
