i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
