I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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