WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
