i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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