Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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