it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
that's an acceptable place to lick
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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