Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
