she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
