Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
