My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
