I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
