I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
