sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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