Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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