My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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