he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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