Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
