you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
