I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
