i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
