So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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