lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
