Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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