Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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