Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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