Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
