went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
this will be a night to untag.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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