Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
