Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
