i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
