That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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