laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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