does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
