i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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