Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I accidentally had phone sex last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When did angry sex become our thing?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
