great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
