I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize