I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
