Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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