i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize