If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
