Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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