Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I want to have your abortion
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
