So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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