I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
