There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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