i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
