I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
