I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
