Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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