i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
