Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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