Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
