he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is my gift to your gina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
