Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
