maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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