after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
