if only i could text you this smell
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
