the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
