even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
