We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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