I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
