i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
