This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
