Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
