we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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