didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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