dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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