Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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