Acid is not a monday night drug
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
