For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
