I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
