I want to have your abortion
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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