i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
