Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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