Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
