i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
