bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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