Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
