God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
