just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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