where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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