Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
